In fact, this hesitation might be for good reason. It turns out that when women do negotiate, it can backfire.
‘Way Too Aggressive’
Babcock showed people videos of men and women asking for a raise, following the exact same script. People liked the man’s style and said, ‘Yes, pay him more.’ But the woman?
“People found that to be way too aggressive,” Babcock says. “She was successful in getting the money, but people did not like her. They thought she was too demanding. And this can have real consequences for a woman’s career.”
To be clear, both men and women thought this way.
Babcock and Harvard researcher Hannah Riley Bowles wanted to find a way for women to ask for more yet avoid this societal backlash. They tested various strategies and found some that do work. Women can justify the request by saying their team leader, for example, thought they should ask for a raise. Or they can convince the boss their negotiating skills are good for the company. The trick, Babcock says, is to conform to a feminine stereotype: appear friendly, warm and concerned for others above yourself. [Emp mine]
Heaven forbid you act ‘like a man’ and argue the actual merits of why you deserve a raise. This sounds a little like all the advice on how to prevent rape — mostly aimed at women. (Best way to prevent rape? Don’t rape.)
The problem isn’t women’s behavior, per se, it’s that women are punished for asking for what they want, even if they deserve it. Women are not supposed to be aggressive, demanding or even straight-forward. They are supposed to be humble and passive - and asking for a raise defies that expectation.
These ideas are ingrained so deeply into our culture that we still place the onus on women to navigate the impossible system. Ladies: you earn less for the same work b/c you don’t ask for a raise or promotion. (Don’t blame the poor men! For heaven’s sake! Take some responsibility for your life!) Oh, but if you do, we will punish you for being unladylike, and your career will eventually stagnate for that reason.
Basically, the best advice there is for advancing your career:
Don’t be a woman.
